With all of us getting older, we all have carved out our own place in the world. Some of us have our own families, and the families who went to every basketball game, concert band and football game is suddenly to busy to spend time during the holidays.

I can’t say that I blame anyone. I’m guilty for the disconnect too. I’m married, I’m a workaholic and sometimes I’m too busy to pick up the phone to call my family. And now, I also have a new family, Jason’s side to consider. So when I heard the news that half of my extended family may not be attendance for Thanksgiving, I felt like crying.

I felt like crying for my childhood, crying for the disconnect that I couldn’t seem to stop grown and crying for the solution I couldn’t seem to find. Is this a unique situation or is this a part of being an adult – letting go and accepting the changes from the family you grew up with to start a new chapter of your own?

In ten years will I greet my aunts and cousins as strangers? Will their children and my children look at each other with cool disinterest?  I haven’t the slightest clue as to how to change it, but this isn’t what I thought it was supposed to be. I thought being close to your family was forever.

I’d heard about a few of the honorees including Talking with Tami,  Mami2Mommy and  my mentor, Jacqui Chew.

Everywhere, a social media agency in Atlanta, along with Mami2Mommy did a wonderful job in introducing the honorees to the audience.  They were  also the sponsors along with Blackweb20.com.

Their stories of their success in social media were told by hosts and then they had an opportunity to say a few words. I was so impressed by the humbleness these women exuded. If you follow my blog, I’m sure you’ve seen my rant on Black people in the digital space, and it was so great to see the mutual respect flow among the honorees as well as the people in the audience who were there to meet them.

I like the fact that it wasn’t long and drawn out (those of you who know me know I have no patience!) and then they opened up the lobby where we could eat and drink this yummy pomegranate wine, Tree of Life. When I spoke to the women about their individual successes I found that they all had a commonality – not just the fact that they are women of color, but that they were truly just using social media to either express themselves or support their passions and before they knew it, their passions grew into something that became full-time.

I’m a strong believer in going after your dreams and this event was a great place to recharge your batteries and gain inspiration to try again. We’ve all been there. Hell, I’m here now. Trying to consistently do something but falling short. But the differences between them and me is focus and perseverance. Honestly I felt really bad because some of these social media mavens were mothers and wives with two jobs.

So I’m writing this to say – what’s to stop you from following your dreams? Don’t chase the title and don’t chase the money. It will all come. We have to be responsible for our own happiness, right? Righghhhht!

Before I do, I realize that at the time I am writing this post, that this is only the tip of the iceberg. I won’t pretend that I know that the allegations brought up by the four young men are true. This post is meant to simply react to the allegations brought forth and the reactions of the black community.

When I first heard this story, I was already in a contemplative mood. My great aunt died, and I was literally on the way to the funeral when I heard it on the radio. Although I wasn’t particularly close to her, death always makes me think of Christianity, spirituality and the afterlife.

When I heard the story I immediately sympathized with the boys who accused Eddie Long.  I was also sad because I realize that allegations like these generally turn people off who are on the fence about Christianity. However, I tried to temper my sympathies with logic and patients – Long hadn’t spoken out about the allegations and I was anxious to hear his side of the story. Then, I saw a clip of his statement he made to the congregation at his church and I was supremely disappointed. He did not say “Yes I did it.” or “No I didn’t touch them.” However, I realized that his hands were tied ‘legally’ which is why he couldn’t say much of anything.

I have also been monitoring the conversations online from various social networks. The gay community is generally behind the accusers and believe their stories. The black community is divided. Some of the southern Baptist truly believe and support Long. They feel sympathy for him, they are praying for him and some have outright said that the accusers are liars. I’ve notice a trend in the questions being presented, they ask,  “Why are they all just saying something now?”  or “They are just mad because they don’t have Long’s money or support anymore.”

Here’s my view – if you support Eddie Long and believe what he says, that’s one thing. But if you think that the guys are only pursing this case for the money, but the allegations may be true, I think we’re asking the wrong type of questions.

EVEN IF these men are looking for money, EVEN IF they are doing this for all the wrong reasons, EVEN IF Long waited to do the heavy duty molestation when they were older, it does not negate the fact the he was engaged in an INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP and used his notoriety and position within the church to MANIPULATE them.

Although the motives of the young men are important, the big picture here is that a man of God allegedly touched a minor then possibly furthered the sexual relationship as they got older and let’s not forget the fact that he is married, with children!

If this is true, how can a man – who is known for his stance against homosexuality, have a sexual relationship with young men? I implore our community to ask the right questions. You don’t have to take sides yet – I think its fine to wait and see what comes about. To his congregation’s defense, I understand standing behind your spiritual leader and wanting to believe the best in people. However, let’s not call these men ‘faggots’, ‘gay’, or ‘liars,’ because we truly don’t know the full story yet, nor is it appropriate to call them names. Do I believe them? So far, I am partial to what they are alleging.  Am I open to change my personal opinion? Absolutely. Let’s not be black and white, meaning, if the men are gay its okay or the men are in it for money or are scorned lovers. Let’s take the next few months and possibly years to truly follow this case and then let’s be mature about it. We have to deal with the negative aftermath that it will undoubtedly cause to the community, whether or not Long is found guilty.

Lately, I’ve been very stressed, a combination of drastic changes in work and personal life. Due to stress I’ve been gaining weight, irritable and experiencing mood swings. As I write this, I realize I sound like a candidate for a “happy pill.”

But seriously, I realize that we only have one life to live.  I had a really great conversation with my mom and she mentioned that I use to be very happy when I use to play my alto saxophone and mentioned that it may be a good way to relieve stress. I won’t say that I’m going to go out and purchase a saxophone, but it got me thinking – what can I do to make me happy and offset the stress in my life.

I have several co-workers who exercise – one in particular loves to do Yoga (I think I’m too hyper to do Yoga), some people swear by cooking or playing music. So I researched a few things to do to relieve stress and this is what I came up with.

1. Exercise regularly – I can personally attest to exercise. Lately I’ve been trying to jog outside, but I also love kickboxing. It’s nothing better than punching and kicking a bag after a long day. I am a member of X3 sports and after a tough 1-hour workout; you don’t have enough energy to be stressed!  According to the Mayo-clinic website, exercise releases endorphins which improves your mood.

2. Put down the cake – Eating healthy and keeping your body fueled and energized with good foods will help your body to be better adapt to cope with stress.

3.  Do more things you love- I personally love to read and go to Borders to view the latest releases and I just joined a book club. Also, every Sunday, I have a “me” day where I rent movies that I know my husband won’t  watch, but something that I really want to watch.  Who knows I might even start up playing the sax again. For those who are more adventurous, do things that you may not normally do such as Skydiving, scuba diving, camping or planning vacations with friends and family.

4. Join a group of like-minded individuals- Either join an association, a Meetup group for a hobby, or volunteer for a non-profit that you are passionate about.

5. Listen to music – I probably spend at least 10 hours a day listening to music at work, when I exercise or just peddling around my house. For me, music just enhances life. It makes work fly by, gets me pumped up during my workout and I just love singing along to music. I have several different sources of music, however my favorites are: Pandora (be advised its only 40 hours a month for free), Zune and YouTube.

6. Get some Z’s – When you’re truly stressed, its hard not to think about what’s keeping you stressed. You obsess about it an think about it all night, affecting your sleep. My old boss had a great approach to work environment that I hope to one day master – what you don’t finish today can be done tomorrow…well most things anyway. Use your discretion, but you know what you can work on the next day. Sometimes the best ideas come when you are in a relaxed state. Allow your body to recuperate and be prepared for the next day.

These tips may not be something that you’d personally do, but the point is to participate in things that make you happy. Good luck on finding things you like to do. I plan to try more of these tips, and hopefully I can cope with stressful situations better.

Changes in Job

Today was my first day at my new job. Every time I start a new job I always have a underlying fear and hope that they never regret hiring me.  I personally think its a healthy fear because it keeps you grounded and motivates you to do your best.

This job and atmosphere is completely different than my last job, but I think I will enjoy it. I had a warm reception when I came into the door – a cute little welcome sign and my supervisor took me out to lunch.

It was a very busy day filled with training and learning about clients and the company processes. The whole time I’m thinking myself – don’t screw up! I think this job will challenge me on a variety of different levels, but is is a challenge that I look forward to taking on, and proving to myself that I can adapt and succeed. With the variety of marketing and public relations functions that I will do each day – media relations, email marketing, social media marketing and event planning, I will be pretty darn good in a couple of years! Additionally the Board of Directors position will really help me to become really sharp and network in the marketing field!

Changes as a Wife
I’m still adjusting to the fact that I’m someone’s wife – it is so weird! With my mom being a divorce attorney I really had no intentions of getting married. But after 5 and 1/2 years of dating, here I am all domestic and loving it! I always get the question – “do you feel different? The answer is  Yes! The biggest change is ‘mature communication’ and having ‘adult conversations.’ I try to be as honest as possible with Jason about my feelings and Jason has always been good at communicating. If we are talking about something important or if we have an altercation I am now much more open to talking out our differences as opposed to running out the door to be by myself. I guess I realize that we are going to be around each other for the rest of our lives, so I might as well communicate like an adult.  I also proactively tell Jason what I’m doing or going. For those who really know me, you know that I absolutely hate telling people or being questioned as to what i’m doing! So I’m definitely a work in progress on that as well. As far as cooking – i’ll get back to you on that. I hate cooking. I figure I can master that daunting task once I have kids.

Changes as a Christian
Believe it or not, I am training to be a Sunday school teacher. Yep, I’m teaching our young and impressionable youth about the Bible and God’s word. This is a huge change for me as I just joined this church. I sort of fell into the position. Jason and I were doing pre-marital counseling with our Pastor and he asked if there were any ministries we would like to participate in. I suggested tutoring kids (like in Reading, Math, et.cetera). Apparently, our Pastor had a whole other form of educating in mind, thus me becoming a Sunday School Teacher in training. Talk about not screwing something up! I’m still working on my foul language (at times)!

So far, change is good. I feel really blessed right now, and I can’t complain – well no I can actually always complain, but life is real good right now

There, I said it. Here I am, a Internet Marketing professional, but i’m too busy, well OK lazy to blog.

So, In an effort to redeem myself, I am going to jump back on the blogging bandwagon. This blog posting in particular is personal – No thoughts on the BP Oil Spill, President Obama or Facebook’s latest “like” release – this is all about me!

So for many of you who reads my infrequent blog, you know that I got married a few weeks ago. One would think that I would blog about my experiences, but I really didn’t want my blog to come off as a self-centered “bridezilla of Atlanta” thing. I love my husband but I hated the wedding planning process. I’m not huge on flowers and I don’t care about designer dresses! All I knew is that I wanted to have what was most important to me: excellent food, great cake, awesome music, good people and an open bar!

The Rain couldn't stop our ceremony!

Luckily I have awesome event planning and marketing friends that took care of the precious details involved in a wedding

I had the time of my life! Although it rained (and the ceremony was outside) to be among family and friends, who came to support me and my husband – it was the best feeling in the world. It was a beautiful ceremony and we were surrounded by love. The reception was great as well. If you look at my Facebook albums you will see nothing but people smiling, dancing, laughing and having a great time. I felt like it went by so fast and between the beautiful honeymoon in Maui to getting my apartment arranged, I’ve hardly had to time to really think and absorb the wedding day! So I want to list my top 10 fave moments/memories of the wedding and post pictures that were taken by friends.

Top 10 Moments:

10. Although it rained, the backdrop of the river and umbrellas made for a beautiful ceremony.
9. My Aunt Shirley (who “supposedly” has bad knees) got up in the middle of the dancefloor and was dancing for most of the night.

8. I was so nervous at the ceremony, I couldn’t remember what the “ring finger” was. The pastor said 3rd finger from the left so I thought it was the middle finger. The ring also got stuck on his hand and I squealed “I can’t get it off!”

Aunt Shirley "with the bad knees dancing

7. During the “sand ceremony” instead of gracefully pouring the sand in the vase, Jason hastily dumped it all at once!
6. The Garter Toss – I’ve never seen the guys move so fast! It was like a dramatic scene in a movie when Bruce looked at the garter hit him in the chest! He looked like a deer caught in headlights.
5. The Father/Daughter dance. My dad was so sweet, and he seemed genuinely touched that his daughter no longer had his last name! He even said that he was about to cry

All the guys scatter away from the Garter Toss.

4. Friends and Family – Seeing my old crew all hang out again from Northside high school, old college roommates, co-workers and family get along and dance was so fun and touching!
3.The Bridal Toss – Those girls are vicious! In one of the pictures you can clearly see one girl who is afraid for her life, it was a battle between my cousin Gia and my old roommate Ashlee Glenn prevailed.

2. Music – The DJ, my cousin Bryan did a great job. It was the perfect mix of old and new school R&B, pop, and hip hop. I had so much fun doing the Cha Cha Slide and of course the bus stop.

1. The Kiss – That was one good kiss if I say so myself. The pastor even said “Get it Jason!”

The Kiss!

Everyone was dancing.

We  did the whole spiel of introducing ourselves, about what we do and why we were here. Then suddenly the older woman  looked at the other woman’s name tag and said to her “You know, I saw your profile picture on the Meetup group and you look much younger and prettier in person than on your profile picture.” *Awkward Silence* Then she says “No, really its a compliment!” I immediately cataloged her as a ‘diarrhea mouth’  and surely she didn’t disappoint.

She then went on to tell us about her horrible week and that she had to inform her 61-year old assistant that she had Alzheimer’s, and somehow we broached the subject of how she goes to conventions and all the young pros in the interactive space drink, party and fool around with each other. So she took the high road, separating herself from the other lowly professionals by going dining out alone and going to a Chippendale’s club, where she met a Puerto Rican stripper who liked her over the skinny, young size 1 girls because she is intelligent and can speak fluent Spanish…I’m getting to the point, I promise. Character development here.

She then talks about how the interactive space is testosterone driven (which I totally agree, just the way it is right now), and how there are a bunch of young “boys” 35 and under who are basically full of fluff and know nothing.  She said ” No offense dear, I know you are young, but  young people just aren’t humble, I mean seriously, who would you rather hire? Someone who knows nothing, or someone with a lot of experience…I mean “I want to tell them Ha, I know more than you.

While I do agree that the younger generation isn’t as patient, and yes sometimes not as humble as we should be, it really grates my nerves when the older generation treat us like hopeless, untrained puppies! I think there are deep issues on both sides that need to be addressed. From my experience in working with other professionals that are my age upwards to 60’s, I can see a difference in working styles.

For instance, the older generation feel that you need to be the first person to arrive and the last person to leave work. You need to be ( or look) busy and you don’t share in detail what you do, because someone else will learn and make you obsolete. The younger generation is almost completely opposite. We don’t necessarily think its important to be the first person to arrive and the last to leave work, as long as we complete jobs on time and provide good quality work. We feel the need to tell everyone what we’re doing so that our peers and employers will value us more. And finally, one of the biggest differences between the older and younger generation is that we have more of an affinity to leverage technology to make our jobs easier, therefore making us work more efficiently. I think this will always be a disparity with future generations to come.

But that doesn’t mean that we all can’t get along! I think the older generation need to be more open to sharing what they have learned over the years and share it with the younger generation. In other words, they need to adopt more of a mentorship mentality. In my first job out of college, I was very fortunate to have a co-worker who was a MBA grad and my boss, who was the VP of Marketing take me under their wings and teach me. Every single conversation or project was a teaching moment for me. They made sure I understood what I was doing and why. We even had a monthly book review for continual learning. I also have a similar situation at my current job where my boss and co-worker takes time to teach me daily.

But I have been in situations where I felt my co-workers feel threaten by me – that I was gunning for their jobs. I went out of my way to convey that I was only trying to help and learn from them. After months and years of building trust, they finally felt at ease and even sought me out to help them on projects. My lessons learned are perhaps I should be more patient to earn their trust and willing to listen. I use to be so eager to blurt out what I thought was right or smart. Now I realize, you learn so much more when you listen.

To my younger generation: Be a sponge and listen to the older generation. They have so many interesting stories and experiences. Learn from their mistakes and give them respect because they deserve it. Don’t be a know it all and be humble.

To my older generation: Embrace us. Don’t act like the majority of your peers and grumble about how the younger generations are nothing but a bunch of slackers. Teach us what you have learned, so that we won’t make the same mistakes you did. Let go of the fear of being obsolete, because your life lessons live on through us and so on – as long as you pass along the information. Give us the opportunity to earn respect through our work ethic, not on how similar we are to you.

Bad News: Which is obvious, I haven’t been blogging about my Insanity workout.

Good News: I have actually been sticking to the workout!

I’m on my 6^th week (with only 3 more weeks left).  So far I am generally impressed by Insanity.  On a physical level I am in the best shape of my life and it extends to other parts of my life. On my 5^th week, which is the recovery week, I was afraid that I wouldn’t burn as many calories that week so I added running for 25 minutes every other day. Before that point, I haven’t run for a couple of months. I easily fell back into running without being overly tired. As a matter of fact I pushed up my MPH to 6.5.

The last four weeks of Insanity are “Max” workouts meaning that it is longer (jumping from an average of 40 minutes to 60 minutes) and there are harder workouts.  Get ready to hop on the floor, and have your legs fly up in the air!

My results have been great so far. I got my fiancé Jason to hide my scale so I’m not sure how much I weigh, however I have lost:

• 2 inches off my chest
• 1.5 inches off each thigh
• 1 inch of each arm
• 2.5 inches off my waist
• 1 inch off my hips

This all equals to a grand total of 10.5 inches from my body! I will weigh myself at the end of the program, so the amount of weight loss, will be posted in 3 weeks! Overall, I am happy about my results! My clothes fit better and I can also tell that my face is slimmer.  I am a part of the Insanity boards on Facebook and everyone who has completed the program agrees that you get the most results the last 2 or 3 weeks, so I am looking forward to that!

I also think if I had slightly better eating habits I would get even better results. I probably eat well 75 percent of the time, with my slacking time being on Friday and Saturday.

If you are thinking about starting this program I wholeheartedly think you should do it, but I would advise you to throw away the scale because you will be building muscle using the resistance of your body and burning fat. This may not necessarily show up on the scale. So either weigh in periodically or toward the end of the program. However, before I threw out the scale, I did weigh myself and while on the Dr. Ian’s diet for 2 weeks, I lost about 8lbs.  If you have any questions or are thinking about starting the program, feel free to ask me a question.

The event was fantastic! Overall there was great food, drinks and entertainment.  The demographic at the event were African-Americans in their late 20’s to early 40’s. It was a huge age gap and I was generally surprised that Lexus targeted such a young age range for their brand. But let’s focus on the positive for now. The location was fantastic! The event went off without a hitch and for their target audience, I believe they executed well in:

1. Creating a very open and urban atmosphere by selecting the Kings Plow Center. They had a red carpet at the entrance where attendees can snap pictures of themselves  – excuse me, mainly girls who enjoy taking pictures of themselves greased up with their friends to only plaster on Facebook pages. (I write this jokingly because I have too many of said pictures  my Facebook).

2. Serving up plenty of delicious hor d’oeuvres such as hamburger sliders and quiche – a taste of luxury and a dash of class but not overly bourgeois which could create an unrealistic atmosphere therefore disconnecting the audience with the Lexus brand by seeming inaccessible.

3. Another photo op. of girls and cars. What can I say, we like to take pictures!

4. Free Drinks (always a good thing).

5. Great Music. I also like the fact that they had plasma screens throughout the venue where you can see clips of the performing artist. It built up anticipation of the musical showcase.

I have to emphasize again that it was a well executed event, but I must say that I was not impressed by the collateral or gift bags given at the show.

Lets see…you have an event obviously targeted to young and up and coming black professionals but one thing is missing….continuing the conversation AFTER the event. It’s great that they included a coupon for a Lexus vehicle, but when I flipped through the brochure who did I see? Old white couples. Seriously every page had a white couple in their late 50’s.  I will admit that at the very end of the brochure, literally the last page there is a picture of an older black couple in their late 60’s.  In regards to continuing the converation with me there was no connection at all. I couldn’t tell you where my gift bag is now and if I wasn’t a marketer, I probably couldn’t recall who put on the event. I would have referred to it as ‘that concert with Ryan Leslie.’

I’m not picking on Lexus. I think the PR firm they hired, Golin Harris did an outstanding job. However after reading the brochure I was really discouraged. I thought to myself, “Okay maybe I can buy a Lexus when I’m in my 50’s. However, in order to really connect with someone like me,  this is what I would have liked to see:

1. A brochure that cover young black professionals in their early 30’s, late 40’s and maybe and older black couple in the back of the brochure.

2. If they don’t have one already, a microsite which showcases the young, talented  up and coming artist they have perform for the shows, with the Lexus branding throughout the site.

3. A Twitter hashtag that promotes tweeting from the events. Yes this requires some promotions prior to the event. Give us an incentive and we will do it – sometime even for free!

4. A Facebook fan page (I’m sure they have one) which promotes the events. Additionally Ryan Leslie should be cross promoting on his various social media platforms as well.

5. Publicize all of the above by adding a vanity url/link on the Plasma TVs.

*Hops off soap box and takes off marketing hat*

Has anyone had a similar experience as I had or actually attended the event? If so I would love to hear what you have to say. Am I being overly sensitive as a marketer or do you truly feel this way with some of the brands or companies that try to connect to you? I would love to hear your thoughts and examples!

Conversely, I truly despise NEGATIVE Black people who tear down other black people’s  accomplishments. I often read posts from Blackweb20.com. I think they do a wonderful job in covering subject in the digital space. Very recently I became an active participant in this community and have written comments. One article in particular that was of interest to me African American Magazines Need to Look Online for Advertising Future.

It was a great article outlining how black magazines need to step it up in the digital space, especially regarding advertising revenue streams online. I had something (of value) to say and I posted a comment to the article and I wanted to see what others had to say as well. Generally there were some great comments but…there is always one or two haters in the bunch. Not haters in the sense of calling someone out – haters of the since of spewing out hatred remarks and adding no value to the conversation! Let the fake African American Magazines Die? That is a tad extreme to me. At one point, these were the only magazines that were covering important events and hot topics related to the black community. Although they are falling behind in the digital space, how dare someone suggest that we just give up on them!

Another example on Blackweb2.0 is a series written by Wayne Sutton #28daysofdiversity. This series covers accomplished black folks in the digital space. I really am enjoying the series and have even followed some of the people profiled. But here comes another hater example. In this particular post Gwen Peake was profiled and it was reposted on Blackweb2.0. Gwen has got it going on – a dual-Masters degrees in Journalism/Mass Communications and Television/Film Production and working with Fortune 10 company Ford and radio and TV personality, Steve Harvey to name just a few.  The very FIRST comment I read was a personal attack on Gwen and how she does nothing for the black blogger community. I don’t know if this commenter personally knew Gwen and had a personal agenda of throwing salt in her game  (which it seemed like to me) but from the small profile that was written, I don’t know how she could have come to the conclusion that she is a “pawn” and doesn’t help the community! Thankfully there were other comments made supporting Gwen and her accomplishments.  Gwen herself actually wrote what I call a *snap* *snap* rebuttal to the nasty remarks posted.

Beyond these two examples I’ve noticed a lot of black people in the digital space tear each other down. We are too small of a community to do this to each other. We should rejoice in each others success. It’s absolutely fine to “check” someone who is obviously adding no value to the black community – which is what this post is all about.

Be sure to check out the articles (and comments) mentioned in this post. I would love to hear your thoughts about this. @jbrotherlove also wrote a blog post: Haters, Crabs in the Black community which covered the conversation that he, myself and other black techies had at the SXSWi Atlanta party last night. He is also a speaker at SXSWi for the Black Bloggers Rockstar session so check him out. (See how I support my fellow black blogger, take some notes, Negative Nancys’ of the black community!)

Looking forward to hearing from you!